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It takes some time to bond with your new body part. I recommend wearing your harness and dildo alone for a while.

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Wear them around the house as you do non-sexual activities. Wash the dishes with your dildo on.

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Watch TV with your dildo on. Give yourself some time to get used to it, and get a sense of how the strap-on works with your body. The more comfortable you are with it on your own, the easier it will be to use it with a partner.

I also highly suggest masturbating with the strap-on on. It can be really hot to masturbate your dildo, or play with it while touching other parts of your body, and it definitely helps in developing a connection to it.

Here, again, I recommend going slow. Let your partner see you in your new purchases.

Wear your harness and dildo as you and your partner make out. If you want to use your strap-on for penetration, the most important piece of advice I can give you is to use a ridiculous amount of lube. Make sure your partner knows to tell you anytime they need you to stop and apply more lube.

The Beginner's Guide to Using a Strap-On

Use water-based instead. You may not ever have had to use thrusting motions during intercourse before.

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A lot of people go comically overboard trying to figure out how to thrust, but I recommend trying to keep your movements more subtle until you get the hang of it. If you have a male partner, ask him for a thrusting lesson.

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Or you may want to try missionary, where you can focus more on grinding against your partner. Communication is always key when it comes to sex, and strap-on sex is no different.

Ask your partner to give you a lot of feedback about what feels good to them. Go nice and slow until you both get the hang of it.

Sometimes strap-on sex can be an emotional experience, for both partners. It may feel really vulnerable to wear a strap-on for the first time.

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It may feel really vulnerable to have intercourse with a strap-on for the first time. If anything does come up for you, let it come up. Keep checking in with each other throughout, and talk about it afterwards.

On a more logistical level, make sure to clean your gear as soon as possible. Follow the manufacturer instructions for the best method.

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Vanessa Marin is a sex therapist who helps people have way more fun in the bedroom. Subscribe to our monthly newsletter Submit. Not valid with any other offers. Strap ons are an exciting way to explore new avenues of orr with your partner.

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