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It also sounds like your husband is emotionally abusive to you, but at the same time the emotional abuse he has incurred at the hands of your philandering has been no picinic for him I am sure.Classic Gaming Friendsomeone To Hang With Trying Here
Not that I am making excuses for him, it is just that I can see how harboring 10 years of anger and resentment could cause one to become cold and ous.
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Get yourself a good therapist and try and sort out some of your own issues. Then if your husband is willing and he would be quite a man to do so considering what you have put him through!
You wantt a lot of accountability for your own behavior in your post and that is a good start! Having a professional couselor help you sort things out just might help you find the answers you have been seeking.